The easiest way to find something lost
around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets
out alive anyway.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
Sex is like air; it's not important unless
you aren't getting any.
There are two kinds of pedestrians--the
quick and the dead.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking
other toys.
If quitters never win, and winners never
cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"?
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate
at which one can die.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're
everywhere.
Jury - Twelve people who determine which
client has the better lawyer.
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
If the answer is Huon, the question was
misunderstood.
The only difference between a rut and a
grave is the depth.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination
over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman
he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay
strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Definition of Atheism: a non-prophet organization.