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You can't be
a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps
if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons,
but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa
Always do sober
what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth
shut.
--Ernest Hemmingway
Always remember
that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of
me.
--Winston Churchill
He was a wise
man who invented beer.
--Plato
Time is never
wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine
Zandonella
A woman drove
me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields
Sir, if you were
my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor
to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you
were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply
If God had intended
us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
--David Daye
Work is the curse
of the drinking class.
--Oscar Wilde
When I read about
the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
Beer is proof
that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach
total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot
out your nose.
--Deep Thought,
Jack Handy
Without question,
the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant
you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not
go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry
The problem with
the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Why is American
beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton
People who drink
light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a
lot.
--Capital Brewery,
Middleton, WI
Give me a woman
who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone
in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals
are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example,
there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry
I drink to make
other people interesting.
--George Jean
Nathan
They who drink
beer will think beer.
--Washington
Irving
An intelligent
man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--For Whom the
Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway
You're not drunk
if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin
All right, brain,
I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and
I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson
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