In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects ... Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system.

You make the bed..............................................+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1

You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5

You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..............0

When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1

When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next Bathroom..........-2

You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings........+5

But return withbeer...........................................-5

You check out a suspicious noise at night......................0

You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..............0

You check out a suspicious noise and it's something...........+5

You pummel it with a six iron................................+10

It's her father..............................................-10

You stay by her side the entire party..........................0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy.................-2

Named Tiffany.................................................-4

Tiffany is a dancer...........................................-6

Tiffany has implants..........................................-8

When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly.................+1

When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump......-5

When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"....................................+1

When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"...........-6

That woman is her sister.....................................-90

You have one drink, and that's it..............................0

You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle..-2

You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being taken to the ocal station to be fingerprinted......-18

You go to the mall together...................................+3

You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car........................+4

You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar..........-2

You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it......................+3

You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional bench.................0

You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk ........+3

Most of it chips and beer ....................................-6

You tackle a large household project, such as painting the lounge and kitchen...............+15

Or refinishing the floors....................................+16

Or rewiring thebasement......................................+17

Or adding a second floor.....................................+18

Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebaske...-6

And you're tickled pink about it.............................-15

You visit her parents..........................................0

You visit her parents and actually make conversation..........+3

You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television....-3

And the television is off.....................................-6

You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear...............-6

And you didn't even go to college............................-10

And it's not your underwear................................-..15

You take her out to dinner......................................0

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ..........+1

Okay, it is a sports bar.......................................-2

And it's all-you-can-eat night.................................-3

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eatnight,
and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.........-10

You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player...+3

You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing................+4

f you stink...................................................+2

If you're not half bad.........................................+5

You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause........-2

You give her a gift.............................................0

You give her a gift and it's a small appliance ...............-10

You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance ............+1

You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate....................+2

You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months .....+30

You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day ...-10

With her credit card..........................................-30

And whatever you bought is two sizes too big .................-40

You forget her birthday completely............................-20

You forget your anniversary...................................-30

You forget to pick her up at the bus station..................-45

Which is in Newark, New Jersey................................-50

And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast...................-60

Go out with a pal ............................................-5

And the pal is happily married ...............................-4

Or frighteningly single ......................................-7

And he drives a Mustang......................................-10

With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ...............-15

You have a few beers..........................................-9

And miss curfew by an hour...................................-12

You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call...............-20

You get home at 3 am.........................................-30

You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars .....-40

And not wearing any pants....................................-50

Is that a tattoo, and who is Wanda??........................-200

You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work...........+5

She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late......+10

You wait up..................................................+15

She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed...........+20

You watch TV together........................................... 0

You rent a movie................................................+2

You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY ..................+3

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout .........+5

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep....................-1

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool .........-2

You take her to a movie.........................................+2

You take her to a movie she likes...............................+4

You take her to a movie you hate ...............................+6

You take her to a movie you like................................-2

It's called DeathCop 3..........................................-3

Which features cyborgs having sex...............................-9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans .........-15

You buy her flowers only when it's expected..................... 0

You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it ....+20

You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself ......+30

And she contracts Lyme disease.................................-25

You develop a noticeable potbelly................................-15

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it..+10

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans andbaggy Hawaiian shirts......-5

You spend a lot of money on something impractical................-5

Something she can't use.........................................-10

Such as a motorized model airplane..............................-20

And she got a small appliance for her birthday..................-40

You lost the directions on a trip...............................-4

You lost the directions and end up getting lost................-10

You end up getting lost in a bad part of town .................-15

You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up closeand personal..........-25

You know them..................................................-60

She asks, "Do I look fat?" .....................................-5

(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)

You hesitate in responding.....................................-10

You reply, "Where?"............................................-35

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned expression.............0

When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.........+5

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..+10

She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..............-20