Q. What is the definition of optimism?
A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.
Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was English?
A. An all rounder.
Q. What is the main function of the England coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
Q. What's the English version of a hat trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. Why don't English fielders need pre tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.
Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
Q. Who has the easiest job in the England touring party?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.
Q. What do English batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
Q. Why are English cricketers cleverer than Houdini?
A. Because they can get out without even trying.
The seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch.
However, when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found
there had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs.
Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance: "Hello - is anyone there? Can anyone hear me?"
A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine:
"England will win the Ashes" !!!
"Thank God" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive".
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