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They have finally
been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin Award - It's an
annual honor given to the person who did the universal human gene pool
the biggest service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid
way. As always, competition this year has been keen again. Some candidates
appear to have trained their whole lives for this event.
DARWIN AWARD
CANDIDATES
1. In September
in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
his car keys.
2. In October,
a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a 200-foot-high
cliff on his daily run.
3. Buxton,
NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the
sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel Jones, 21,
dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting
in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer
banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones,
a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue
workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about
200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February,
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep
his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
5. According
to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed
to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying
to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flakvest Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester
Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del., as he
won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with
four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
7. In February,
according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor,
33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken
they were playing with their snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD
HONOURABLE MENTIONS
(1) In Guthrie,
Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot
from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near
the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
(2) In Elyria,
Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in
his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a Propane torch and
caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.
(3) Paul
Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in September,
and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite
that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple
lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was closed.
(4) Taking
"Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual festival in
November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This year, no bull
was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including one gored
in the head and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's just one
bull against [a town of] a thousand Morons." |